I am a 40-something European woman doing what I once thought wasn't possible: finding happiness after infertility. While it's been a long, difficult and emotional journey (10 unsuccessful IVF treatments), each day I take another step down the path toward a fulfilling new life. This is my story of reinvention.
I will be happy to hear from you: klara.soncek (@ ) gmail.com
I have been doing very well lately. But still, there are plenty of remainders that I am not healed. I might never be, at least not completely.
I have just met a distant relative, he is only few years older then me. I know that his daughter will have a firstborn soon so I wanted to be polite and asked when the child would be born. He replied: "After 9 months." I found the reply not funny at all. To make the thing even worse - he commented further - that now it will be a very difficult time for him. Silly me - but I asked him what did he mean and replied: "From now on I will always have to sleep with a granny."
That kind of joke is completely ridicolous when you tell it to an infertile woman.
I had to put the anger somewhere so I went cycling. On a way home I saw my school-friend with his babies, both aged under 2. As a dear pen-friend of mine wrote - it is not fair that men so easily get a second chance (he already has adult children). I am over 40 so my child-bearing years are long over. And what is even sadder - they never began at the first place.
I have been enjoying teaching a teenage boy (he is almost 17 now). It is lovely to observe his transformation from rebellious teen to a kind polite young man. I don't want to boast but I really think that his mom (who is more or less my age) adores me - the way how I adjust my teaching techniques. Teaching is good for me as well - I have improved my English and German a lot!
I like chatting to the boy's mom. The conversation is mostly about her boy - but it is nice. Talking about him never hurts me. After all, somehow the boy became part of my life, after teaching him for two years. But last time she had the need to share with me a sweet story how she announced her pregnancy to her husband. This story hurt, I didn't want to know the details that I know now. I listened but then I used the first opportunity to escape.
There is a good news. I have a good colleague at work who is pregnant. As far as I can remember, this is the first pregnancy after my infertility that I am handeling very well. I am actually looking forward that her daughter is born. So I guess it is a small step towards healing.
I have just returned from Milan, from a short business trip. It was lovely to be able to walk every evening in the beautiful historic city centre. But it was aweful to ride in hot overcrowded metro every day. I didn't feel safe at all. I am very glad to be back home in my small green country.
So basically what I wanted to say is that I am still here. I am just too busy right now to write. And what's even more important - I don't have time for any negative thoughts regarding my childlessness.
It feels good, living my life. It really doesn't make any sense to regret not having the life that obviously just wasn't meant for me.
I have been very busy lately. Gathering offers for the house, deciding, making financial projections, doing the strategies for dealing the price is stressful. But overall it is great. It feels good - to take the destiny in our own hands and plan for our future.
Somehow I am grateful that we didn't have enough money to build the house when we got married. We have learnt so much from then. For example: a) that we don't need much space, a small house will do just perfectly for the two of us b) house will already be equipped with a bedroom and a bathroom for guests in the ground floor. We hope that this will serve this purpose for many decades to come . But this is also a back plan for an old age - if one of us won't be able to walk the stairs any more, we will simply move to the bedroom downstairs. So when a young sales person tried to persuade us that it is much better idea to have downstairs just a huge living room, my husband and I looked at each other and smiled. It felt good, taking destiny in our hands. We really don't want to be dependent on anybody when old.
I am not quoted, but it is lovely to see my thoughts in the article. For example here:
Some feel the term childfree doesn’t reflect the emotional pain that brought them to this life situation. Childfree, they argue, is for those who actually chose to be without children from the beginning. Childless is the term for those who wanted children but could not have them.
I have some wonderful news. We managed to arrange some unsolved issues with the land that we bought many years ago. So now we are in the process of choosing the right prefabricated house for the two of us.
If everything goes well (please, do keep your fingers crossed) we will move to our new home by Christmas 2018.